unrequited
by suirisoma
Summary: remus and sirius think about lots of things, together and seperatly. eventually slash sbrl. don't like, don't read. my first fic, plus i have no idea where i'm going, so constructive critisism welcome.
1. november thoughts

It was November. The first frost hadn't come yet, but it was chilly. Chilly enough to need a thick sweater and a scarf, if you were sitting in the window ledge of a hallway in the South Tower. Which is exactly what one Remus J. Lupin was doing this night.

It was his favorite place to think. Not about anything in specific. His mind often wandered, ranging from why he had been bitten, to why pears were such a weird shape, and everywhere in between.

But today, he was thinking about unrequited love.

Lily and James, for example. James was head over heels with Lily, but she didn't seem interested in him at all. He pined for her, and it was sometimes even sickening how obsessed he was. That kind of pleading, loud love. Remus wished he could have that.

Instead, he was a quiet follower. Not in life, because he came up with the most brilliant prank for anyone going through the third floor corridor, but in love. He sought after the object of his affection silently, and from a distance.

For example, in his second year he had the biggest crush on Amy Macmillan, and didn't do anything about it until stupid Sirius told her. Not that it went anywhere, since they were only twelve, but if it weren't for Sirius, his life would be just him, sitting in a couch, reading.

Sirius Black. The bane of his existence.

Ok, not in a creepy way, though. It wasn't like if he didn't have Sirius, he'd throw himself off a cliff, because that would be crazy. It was the kind of longing, the kind that you can push away into the corner of your mind. When he was away, Remus was fine. But as soon as he stepped in, he felt stupid and inept. Which, really, was stupid, since it was now their sixth year, and they had been friends since the day they met. They knew everything about each other, because they told each other everything. Remus confided to Sirius about how he thought he might be gay, and Sirius told him about how much he hated his family and how music was the only outlet for his anger.

But the longing was there. And Remus knew it was unrequited, so he let it be. He slipped out of the ledge, and started to make his way back to the common room when he crashed into someone running towards him.


	2. crash bang

Sirius loved breathing in the cold, crisp November air. He loved the puff of smoke that came out every time he exhaled. He could even make smoke rings, if he concentrated really hard.

This night, he was walking around the Hogwarts grounds, breathing out hard, so every breath was accompanied by a puff of smoke. He looked up at the dark sky that reflected the dark indigo of his eyes. His gaze followed the few stars in the sky that night, and swept down do the ground, where he saw something that looked familiar. A book. Where had he seen that book before?

He picked it up, and looked at its red velvet cover. Red velvet…why couldn't he remember? He tried to think back to the last time he had seem that book…he knew it was in the common room, and he knew it had been near the fireplace…Remus! Remus loved to sit next to the fireplace, but what did this book have to do with Remus? He cracked open the cover, and read on the first page:

Remus' Diary Journal

Diaries are girly.

And I am a man.

Sirius, put the book down.

Wow, Remus was clever. Knowing him, he probably put a hex on the book, so he put the book in one of the pockets of his cloak, and he continued walking.

How did that book get there? He hated puzzles he couldn't solve. Like when some girl, he didn't even know who, had left him a note in his Potions book. The handwriting was so unfamiliar, and he had looked at every girl's notes that week, comparing the dots of the i's and the crosses of the t's. But he couldn't find a match. And he was unbelievably pissy that week. He threw the Quaffle at James' head. It was an accident, but still. James had a bump.

The wind was picking up, so Sirius decided to go back to sleep. He could picture Remus' face when he returned the book: relief, then fright, anger, then that crinkly smile that was saved for prank. That was his joke gauge, Remus' smile. If it was a bad one, his expression wouldn't change. If it was cruel, the kind that he made about Snape, it was a sort of half-frown, half laugh. His eyes would light up, but the corners of his mouth would turn down. Then there was the crinkly smile. And last, the smile, the laugh that Sirius worked the hardest for. His laugh that reached his eyes, that made his entire body shake from the tremendous shudders of laughter. This year, he had achieved that laugh 5 times. Each time he did, he did a victory dance, that made Remus laugh even harder, but as he was now laughing AT him and not WITH him, he'd take off a sock or sweater or shirt or anything near by and chuck it at Remus' head. Which only made him laugh harder, which in turn made Sirius shove him on the floor or on top of the couch or on the bed, and pin him down until he stopped laughing. It never took a short time, because that laugh reached his soul, and Sirius knew it.

He had kept on walking, and didn't realize where he was until he heard a cackling. Who else but Peeves had popped up in front of him, blocking his path.

"Ickle Black out after curfew?"

"Peeves, shut it, I'm going back now."

"Maybe I'll yell, so everyone knows you're out!"

Sirius knew he wasn't kidding, so he took off running in the opposite direction. He'd have to run through the South Tower, and around as to not have any professors wake up and get him in trouble. He slid around a corner and saw someone coming out of a side hallway. He tried to slow down, but his stupid cloak was too long and he kept shooting down the hallway, smacking right into the person.

"MOTHER-"

Sirius clamped his hand over Remus' mouth, leaving injured Remus muffling curses and insults. Sirius made eyes at him; the ones that said 'just shut up and ask questions later'. They sat crouched in a corner, half hidden by Sirius' cloak, waiting for Peeves to go find someone else to bother. Sirius' hand was still on Remus' mouth, and as they were both breathing heavily, Remus' breath tickled the hairs on Sirius' hand.

They sat in silence until Remus attempted to say something, but all that was heard were muffles.

"Sorry." Sirius removed his hand.

"No, it's ok. Just…what are you doing here? And…is that my journal?"

"Uh...it's not what it looks like…I, uh…"

"Were you reading it?" Remus was on the verge of losing it. That was his personal book, where he wrote everything. He wasn't about to let anyone, not even his best friend, read it.

"No, I swear, Marauder's promise. I just found it on the grounds, and was going back to return it to you." He handed the book back to Remus, and Remus looked relieved that it was back in safe hands.

"Marauder's promise? What is that? Don't make stuff up just so that I'll forgive you. I believe you, I mean, you are my friend, and I know you wouldn't lie to me."

"Well, if we're on the 'no lies' policy, why can't I read what's in your non-girly journal?"

"You little-" He took his journal and smacked him over the head. "You read it!"

"Just the first page, to see whose it was! I was afraid if I read further, I'd get hexed!"

Remus laughed, the crinkly laugh, and through the laughing they had reached the common room.

"Snow Breeze," whispered Remus, as to not disturb the Fat Lady. They both crept into the common room, and both went to their respective beds, pondering that nights events.


	3. sorry, guys

First, thank you to my 2 reviewers **shayacatalystscifigirl** and **actually omniscient**, you guys rock my socks off, so this chapter is for both of you.

Second, sorry it's taking so long, mainly a lot of homework but also I'm just being kind of lazy.

Third, I have _no idea_ where I'm going with this story, so if you want to send me ideas I'll be sure to incorporate them.

Woot.

Oh yes, I realize I haven't done the whole 'INTRODUCTION' so…

**Title:** um…unrequited, but I'm thinking of changing it, so if you have suggestions you should email meat me! Maia, aka suirisoma

**Warning…:** it's slash. so, yes. right.


	4. morning banter real ch 3

Morning came, as mornings always follow nights. Sirius was not pleased. He could feel the rays of sun creeping around the curtains. He squeezed his eyes shut, until he couldn't deny that he wasn't sleeping.

He cracked open one eye and saw Remus tip toeing out of the room. "Moony. Where are you going? It's too early…"

"Sirius, it's almost noon."

"WHAT?"

Sirius leaped out of bed and shoved his feet into slippers.

"Padfoot, calm down, it's Saturday. If it weren't, do you think I'd be here?"

Sirius calmed sown, and looked around. Both James and Peter's bed were empty. "Well, where were you going that you were tip toeing?"

"I didn't want to wake you up."

"Oh. How nice of you. You did, by the way."

Sirius was cranky if awoken suddenly. He did the whole 5 more minutes, slowly crawling out of bed, only one eye open, stumbling to the showers, taking a really hot bath, and not being fully awake until first period.

"Well, sorry." Remus replied, full of sarcasm. But the good, happy sarcasm. "I'll just let you catch up on your beauty sleep, ma'am." He walked towards the door.

Sirius flopped back into bed and threw his slipper at Remus' head. He missed by about a foot.

"Good thing we don't make you play Quidditch in the morning. You'd just suck"

Oh no, thought Sirius. He did NOT just doubt my Quidditch skills.

Sirius sat up, and gave Remus a huge, eerie grin.

"Um…Sirius, what are you so happy about?"

Sirius slowly and discreetly took off one of his socks.

(You should know his socks aren't one of the best smelling things around.)

Remus wasn't stupid, and saw Sirius' movement towards his feet. "No, you throw that sock at me, I'll never talk to you again."

"Ugh! That's so harsh of you, Moony. Maybe I was taking my sock off to fold it."

"Oh, of course, because Mr. Black always folds his clothes and neatly puts them in his trunk."

"Ha ha, aren't you the funny one?"

"Yes, that's why they call me 'Remus, the man of a thousand laughs'."

"No one calls you that."

"Well, they should. I'm hilarious!"

"Moony, you are so funny, that you tell jokes, and I just forget to laugh."

"…That doesn't even make sense."

"It only makes sense to clever people, like me."

"…"

"Don't give me that look."

"What look?"

"The 'Oh. My. God. Why am I friends with this total prat?' look."

"Wow, my face says all that?"

"You betcha."

"If only it said 'I'm really hungry, and want to go get breakfast but this stupid prat keeps blabbering on about nothing and won't let me leave'."

"Ouch. Fine, go eat. Leave me here all alone."

"Don't puppy eye me! FINE. Get changed, but do it fast or I'm leaving."

Sirius hopped out of bed and ran to the pile of clothes on and around his trunk.

"So, Moony, what are you getting Pete for his big 1-6?"

"Well, I can't tell you because you'd either buy him the same thing, or hitch a ride on my gift."

"Oh, boo-hoo. You're being such a party pooper today."

"That's because I'm bloody starving and you're just standing there in you knickers NOT getting changed."

"Oh, don't lie, you know you love watching me in my knickers."

"I love it about as much as I love having Prongs waking me up in the morning with a bucket of cold water."

Sirius pulled on some jeans and yelled, "I'm done! Let's go, off in search of the mighty tower of toast!"

'Why? Why am I friends with this lunatic?' Remus thought to himself as Sirius jumped down the stairs to the common room. They went through the portrait hole, and dashed to breakfast, as they were both pretty hungry.

Sirius plopped down at the Gryffindor table, and Remus sat next to him, with a little more grace.

"Hey Jamsie, what's for eating?"

"I don't know…food? Look, tomorrow is Pete's party, and we need to get drinks. Pads, can you go to Hogsmeade and get some stuff?"

"Sure. No problem."

"Awesome"

Sirius grabbed a piece of toast and stared at it, inquisitively. This was his chance, he could tell Remus about…stuff. He'd been having thoughts, strange, like WHAT? kind of thoughts. He kept thinking about this Ravenclaw, who had a short, black hair and bright blue eyes, oh, and he was a he. Sirius was SO confused, he had no idea what was going on with him. So, he figured he could either sit Remus down and talk to him about it, or get really drunk and talk about it then. He couldn't imagine why Remus would react badly to this confession/confusion since they had talked about it before when it was Remus who was confused, but what Sirius was scared about is how Remus would feel about having another, you know, (Sirius didn't want to think the word in case he was wrong). So, if he was drunk, he could use the 'What? I don't know what I was talking about. I was SO drunk."

"Hey, Padfoot, you ok? Your eyes are burning holes through that poor piece of toast"

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm good, James. I'll go down after breakfast."

* * *

OH MAN. I love this little line. So, sorry for the delay. I was just being a lazy butt. So, that's my chapter, fools. You should comment. Even if it's anonymus. Or however you spell that. Even if it's-well, no, don't flame me. But constructive critisizm. (Ok, I'm sorry. I've been having trouble spelling this week because of the NY transit strike and I didn't go to school since the subway wasn't alive, so I'm out of practise of writing)  
SO, Happy Christmahannukwanzakuh to all.  
See you next year!


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